


Once is Chance, Twice Coincidence

by thanku4urlove



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: (I guess?) - Freeform, Alcohol, Canon Compliant, Drunken Kissing, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Hickeys, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mentioned SEVENTEEN Ensemble, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29275401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanku4urlove/pseuds/thanku4urlove
Summary: Seokmin and Soonyoung only fool around when they're drunk. It's fine, and it's casual—and it's usually a little messy and maybe kind of gross—and both of them have agreed that it doesn't mean anything.Until suddenly, it does.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK
Comments: 13
Kudos: 92





	Once is Chance, Twice Coincidence

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously inspired by [this.](https://twitter.com/svt_s_n_s/status/1346087088496656384)

Seokmin couldn't remember when he'd closed his eyes, but they were closed now. He felt boneless, but Soonyoung was a reminder that he wasn't, that neither of them were; Soonyoung was under him, under his body, and Seokmin could feel the jut of Soonyoung's hipbones in his palms with how he'd shoved his hands inside the waistband of Soonyoung's sweatpants. Every inch of Seokmin was wrapped up in the lazy, slick drag of Soonyoung's tongue across his bottom lip. Hot, wet. Soonyoung's mouth was always so wet. 

Soonyoung hooked a leg around Seokmin's waist, sliding his tongue deep inside Seokmin's mouth, like all of him was trying to press in as close as possible. Seokmin's hands were now trapped between their bodies, his wrists bent uncomfortably. He made a small noise into Soonyoung's mouth, wanting to move his arms, but Soonyoung either didn't hear or wasn't aware enough to notice. So Seokmin bit his lip. 

Instead of moving away, Soonyoung whined and bit him back. Something about it struck Seokmin as funny, and then he was just giggling into Soonyoung's open mouth, unable to kiss back, eventually rolling across the mattress away from him. Soonyoung glanced at him and began giggling too, his smile wide, his eyelids heavy. 

"Fuck you," Soonyoung murmured, his voice thick with affection. His lips were pink from Seokmin’s mouth on him, the bottom one deep with color where Seokmin had bitten it. He reached over and tugged at Seokmin’s shirt, always so clingy when he was drunk. “Come back.”

Seokmin wasn’t much better, complying easily, rolling over Soonyoung and propping himself up just a bit, his elbows on either side of Soonyoung’s head, leaning in to kiss him again. Soonyoung’s fingers danced gently up his chest, curling into his white t-shirt, where the fabric stretched over his shoulders. The kiss was messy, clumsy and intoxicated, Soonyoung wrapping a leg around Seokmin’s waist again, his hip canting up in a small roll against Seokmin’s thigh. 

Seokmin pressed his body down onto Soonyoung’s to give a little more pressure, a little more friction, and when Soonyoung shifted his hips again he moaned into Seokmin’s mouth, breaking the kiss to let his head fall against the pillow beneath him. He looked so pretty like this, Seokmin thought, with his wet lips parted, his eyes closed, his chin tilted back. His neck was exposed, Seokmin nudging at it with his nose before closing his teeth around where he could feel the pulse thrum. 

It was a light nip but Soonyoung gasped under him, squirming, held down against the bed by the weight of Seokmin’s body. Again, something about the reaction made Seokmin laugh, his giggle a vibrating hum against Soonyoung’s neck before Seokmin tried to soothe the skin with his tongue. 

Soonyoung was a clingy, kissy drunk, but he was a sleepy drunk too, and as always, his heavy eyelids were getting the better of him. Each roll of his hips against Seokmin was slower and smaller than the last, then he was just pulling Seokmin close, laying on his side so they were facing each other, his eyes closed as he pressed soft, lazy kisses against Seokmin’s mouth. 

“Love you,” he murmured, so slurred that it was barely decipherable. Seokmin hummed a bit. He already knew that. 

“Yeah, I know.”

Soonyoung pressed a smile against his lips this time. With his fingers tucked just barely under the hem of Seokmin’s shirt, Soonyoung fell asleep. In what felt like only a matter of minutes, Seokmin drifted off too. 

It wasn’t the first time they’d made out drunk. The first time, Soonyoung had been loud and insistent with his whines for kisses, pouting in Seokmin’s direction, trying to catch him off guard and land one on him. Seokmin kept laughing and pushing him away, partially because he knew Soonyoung must be joking, and partially because they were in public, in a restaurant. 

“Oh god, just kiss him!” Seungkwan complained when the three of them had gotten back to the dorm, too drunk to realize that they needed to be quiet and considerate, and Soonyoung was still clinging to Seokmin’s arm. Seokmin, now considerably more intoxicated, looked down at Soonyoung. Soonyoung pouted out his bottom lip, tapping at it with a finger. 

Seokmin got ready for bed the best he could, but when he left the bathroom and returned to his room, Soonyoung was sitting on his bed. He looked upset. 

“What’s wrong?” Seokmin asked, tripping over a pair of shoes on the floor to hurry to him. Soonyoung couldn’t be sad. Shouldn’t ever, ever be sad. Seokmin sat next to him, and Soonyoung looked down at his lap. 

“Just want to kiss you,” he murmured. 

“Soonyoung, you—“

He hadn’t gotten farther than that. Soonyoung took his chin in one hand and leaned in to press their lips together. It was light, sweet with the burn of soju, and it was so addicting that Seokmin’s head spun. Soonyoung pulled back, seemingly satisfied and getting to his feet. Seokmin stumbled up after him, curling his fingers into the fabric of Soonyoung’s sweater. It took Soonyoung a moment to realize he was being clung to. 

“Minnie?” Soonyoung asked, but he hadn’t even finished turning around before Seokmin held Soonyoung’s face in both hands and kissed him in return. 

Soonyoung kissed him back. Soonyoung kissed him and kissed him, pressing close and winding his arms around Seokmin’s waist. Seokmin’s hold on Soonyoung relaxed, his arms eventually settling around Soonyoung’s neck, Soonyoung’s mouth opening to let Seokmin in. 

The next morning, Seokmin properly freaked out. And Soonyoung watched him do it, sitting up against the head of Seokmin’s bed—they’d fallen asleep together, waking up all tangled and close—squinting through his hangover and messy bangs at Seokmin’s anxious face. 

“Okay,” he’d finally said, when Seokmin had stopped pacing and was just staring at him. He scrunched his face up, rubbed at it, and let his hands fall into his lap. “We made out. Did we do anything else?”

Seokmin had to think for a moment. The memory of the moment was hazy, a bit soft around the edges, but it was intact, and he shook his head. 

“No, we just kissed.” Aside from the way Soonyoung’s fingertips had slid across the his chest over his shirt, the rough material of Soonyoung’s jeans bumping his hip when Soonyoung leaned closer, there hadn’t really been much touching. 

“Then... is it really that big of a deal?” Soonyoung asked. “It’s okay if it is, but I don’t know, it was fun and I don’t regret it, so... I don’t really mind.”

That had Seokmin sitting down on the bed, thinking over the words. Soonyoung wasn’t wrong; it had been fun, and in the moment, had felt good. When he really thought about it, the main thing—the _only_ thing, truly—that worried him was causing something to happen to he and Soonyoung’s relationship. 

“You don’t?” 

“You do?” Soonyoung asked back. “I… No offense, but I don’t have a crush on you or anything.”

“Oh, yeah, no,” Seokmin waved a hand quickly. “I—me neither.”

Soonyoung clutched his chest in mock display of pain, as though Seokmin had run a sword through his heart, slumping backwards, his eyes falling closed and his tongue lolling out. Seokmin burst into laughter at him, Soonyoung smiling too, and when he pulled his tongue back into his mouth his bottom lip was wet. 

“We’re just us,” Soonyoung said. “You’re still you, to me. If you’re okay, then so am I.” 

Seokmin looked over him, Soonyoung sitting patiently to let him. All he saw was Soonyoung, his bandmate and best friend of seven years, looking like he had a headache and needed a shower. Seokmin nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I’m okay.” 

“Good.” Soonyoung grinned. “Nothing wrong with kissing your friends goodnight.”

Seokmin stared at him for a moment before they both burst into laughter at the same time, Seokmin reaching towards the head of his bed for a pillow and hitting Soonyoung in the face with it. 

Though they hadn’t really said so, Seokmin had assumed that would be it. It happened once; it was an anomaly. Like Soonyoung had promised, not much had changed between he and Soonyoung, so he didn’t think twice about offering Soonyoung a drink a few weeks later when Soonyoung walked into the living room and saw Seokmin sitting on the floor, the remnants of a meal and an open bottle of alcohol on the coffee table. Soonyoung had just gotten back from the gym with Seungcheol and Mingyu, his hair still damp from a shower in the gym’s locker room. 

Within thirty minutes, Soonyoung was squished so close to his side that Seokmin found himself wondering—admittedly, slightly nonsensically, but that’s what soju did to him—if Soonyoung’s head could just pass through his shoulder, just free fall into him, and if it would hurt when his temple landed squarely on whatever it was inside of his chest he could feel at the sight of Soonyoung glancing up at him, all lidded eyes and full lips. 

Seokmin kissed him. 

Soonyoung grabbed him by the shirtfront and dragged him to the floor. 

They’d kissed lazily until passing out on top of each other, lying there until Joshua found them, woke them up, and sent them to bed. It wasn’t until around four in the afternoon the next day that Seokmin felt he could look Soonyoung in the eye, and as soon as he had, Soonyoung pounced. 

“What, do you feel bad about it or something?” he asked, sitting next to him on the couch.

“Maybe?” Seokmin responded. “I mean—I don’t think so, but I think that maybe... that maybe I should?”

“Why?” Soonyoung asked back. “We already talked about this, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, but…” Seokmin shrugged. “I thought—I don’t know, I thought that maybe it was a one time thing. That I wouldn’t want…”

He didn’t think he’d want to kiss Soonyoung again, and that was the problem: not that the kissing had happened at all, but that he’d been the one to initiate it. He wasn’t like Soonyoung, and didn’t get all physically affectionate like that when intoxicated. At least, he didn’t used to.

“I mean, I get it,” Soonyoung said. “I kissed you back, and it’s not like I didn’t want to. It’s nice to kiss you, Seokmin.”

“It is?” Seokmin hadn’t expected the compliment, Soonyoung nodding seriously. 

“Maybe it’s because I know you so well? It’s comfortable. Plus, you’re such a good kisser, Kyeommie. Like… Wow.”

Seokmin felt himself flush. “Really?” he asked, and Soonyoung’s eyes closed with how emphatically he nodded. 

“Really.” Soonyoung winked at him. “So don’t be so embarrassed.”

With how normal things had been with Soonyoung after the last time, Seokmin knew he meant those words. Besides, there wasn’t any touching; all they did was kiss. 

That was then, at the start of it all. They’d made out maybe a dozen times since then, and while Soonyoung was overwhelmingly more likely to initiate, Seokmin stopped getting so embarrassed about it. He knew that some of the members knew, and that some of them probably didn’t; they didn’t really talk about it, and there weren’t ever marks left over the next morning. At least, not usually; when Seokmin woke up and saw the hickey on Soonyoung’s neck, he blinked at it a couple of times. 

“Hey, I think I bit you last night.” 

“What?” Soonyoung’s voice was rough and groggy.

“You have a hickey on your neck.” 

Soonyoung groaned, his eyes just barely cracked open, and rolled so he was half on Seokmin on the bed. He squished his face into Seokmin’s neck. 

“Yeah.” Seokmin felt his exhale. “I grinded on you though, I think. So we’re even.”

“You did?” Seokmin didn’t really remember that. Soonyoung burrowed into his body a little more intently. 

“Yeah. Just a little bit.”

“Oh.” Seokmin searched his mind a bit for the moment, trying to recall it, to recall how it had felt, and how he’d felt about it. He was coming up empty, more or less. “Okay.”

They took turns showering, Seokmin going first. Mingyu had sent a message to the group chat, saying he was in the kitchen downstairs, and making enough hangover soup for everyone. Seokmin made his way to the sixth floor to eat. 

Many of them were already there, Seokmin noticing that the only ones missing were Jihoon, Chan, and Soonyoung himself. Jihoon hadn’t gotten drunk like the rest of them, but he always slept like he had a hangover anyway, so that wasn’t a surprise. Jeonghan, somehow, was already dressed in normal clothes, looking fresh-faced. Seokmin sat on the floor next to Wonwoo, who seemed particularly groggy. 

“Is Chan still alive?” Wonwoo asked, and Vernon laughed a bit. They’d all gone out for a meal together, pregaming at the restaurant before coming back home, where they’d really gotten plastered. They usually tried to reel Chan in, but they didn’t have a proper schedule for a week at least, so they’d just let him go, Seungcheol serious when he warned him that even though they didn’t have any public appearances lined up, Chan still had to keep up at dance rehearsals. Chan had nodded, promised he would, and threw back his seventh shot.

The answer to Wonwoo’s question came with Jihoon stumbling into the room, his hair a mess, throwing himself on the couch next to Minghao and rubbing at his face. 

“I woke Chan up,” he reported. “He thinks he’s dying.” 

“Good,” Seungkwan grumbled from the corner. 

Soonyoung appeared just as Mingyu was carrying the giant pot of soup into the living room, and despite their usual laser focus on food, no one was looking at Mingyu. All eyes were on Soonyoung, and Seokmin felt his entire body flare up red as soon as he saw him. 

He just in a baggy long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants, but the hickey stood out purple-red against his skin. It shouldn’t really have shocked Seokmin; he knew that the hickey was there. But watching Soonyoung walk around casually with it on his neck was different than noticing it in the privacy of his bedroom, and Seokmin was pretty sure he would have combusted on the spot if not for the strange, small but noticeable streak of something akin to pride that seeing the mark seemed to put in him. 

Soonyoung sat on the floor on the other side of the coffee table, Mingyu leaving again to return with a stack of bowls, Junhui getting up to help gather enough spoons. The room was completely quiet; it wasn’t until everyone was served and seated in various places around the living room that the silence was broken.

“Hey, Hoshi?” It was Joshua, his face free from any kind of expression, Soonyoung glancing at him curiously. “I have some concealer in the bathroom that I think is your shade.” 

There was a beat of silence, then the entire room burst into laughter. Soonyoung fell all the way to the floor, clapping a hand dramatically over his neck and rolling onto his side.

“It’s not my fault!” he yelped defensively, pointing accusingly at Seokmin. That had the whole group looking at Seokmin in turn, laughing at how painfully red his face was.

“But you—” Seokmin started, feeling stuttery, pointing at Soonyoung right back, “—you kissed me first, so…”

He ran out of steam there, not truly having a defense farther than that, Wonwoo reaching out and patting him on the shoulder. 

“I didn’t know you guys got so, you know, frisky,” Seungkwan said. “I’m jealous.” 

“We usually don’t.” Soonyoung had gone a bit red now too, slowly lowering his hand. “We just… I don’t know.” 

Before either of them could be pressed for a more eloquent explanation, Chan walked in. He truly did look half-dead. 

“Hey bro,” Vernon greeted, Chan coming into the room, sitting on the floor, and putting his head in his hands. “How many times have you thrown up this morning?”

“Shut up,” Chan grumbled back, Jeonghan taking pity on him and spooning some soup into a bowl, putting it on the floor in front of him. Then he was gone, claiming to want to go on a walk, Seokmin refocusing on eating his breakfast. The living room was relatively quiet after that, a few of them sharing their plans for the day, most of which were to lay around and try not to die. The room was gradually emptying out, and only half of the group was left by the time Chan was looking considerably more awake, getting up for a second helping of soup as Soonyoung got to his feet. Seokmin realized that Chan was the only one in the room that hadn’t seen the hickey yet when he gasped. 

“Who bit you?” he asked in surprise. Grinning a little, Soonyoung pointed to Seokmin with one arm, stretching the other up over his head.

“Dokyeommie.” 

“Really?” For some reason Chan looked overjoyed, beaming. “Congratulations!”

“Thanks?” Soonyoung said, the confusion in his voice turning the word into a question, and Chan grabbed at Soonyoung’s arm.

“Come on, let me be happy for you. I mean, finally, right?” 

Seokmin began to get the feeling that someone, somewhere—and it could be him, he could never rule himself out in instances like this—was missing something.

“What are you talking about?” Seokmin decided to ask him. 

“I never said anything, but I could always tell he liked you,” Chan answered, and Seokmin felt his mind go blank in surprise. “I was starting to worry that it would never happen. Did he tell you, or did you figure it out too?”

“I…” Seokmin didn’t know what to say. Soonyoung had promised that he didn’t have a crush on him, but that had been nearly a year ago, Seokmin realized; things could have changed. He hadn’t exactly been checking in. He looked quickly to Soonyoung, but Soonyoung wasn’t looking back.

“Hey, hey!” Soonyoung’s voice was quick and loud, a smile in it. But his eyes were on his feet, hitting the toes of one with the heel of the other before looking back at Chan’s face. “It was the alcohol, okay? Don’t be weird.”

“It’s not weird, it’s cute!” Chan insisted. 

“It’s just kissing—”

“But why don’t you just tell him—”

“Channie.” Seungcheol’s voice was low and quiet in warning, looking a bit uncomfortable, like he didn’t want to step on Soonyoung’s authority of the situation, but felt the need to interject. Truly, most of the other members either looked half asleep, or like they felt they shouldn’t be here. 

“I’m going on a walk with Jeonghan,” Soonyoung said, and without looking at Seokmin, he was gone. Seokmin wanted to pretend that the queasiness in his stomach was from his hangover. 

“What did I say?” Chan asked, sounding perplexed. He looked to Seokmin, like _he_ was supposed to have the answers, but Seokmin didn’t know what to do either. 

“We were drunk, really,” he said hopelessly, “I didn’t…”

He didn’t want to say “I didn’t mean it”. That felt like such a heartless thing. And it wasn’t completely true, kissing Soonyoung wasn’t completely meaningless; Soonyoung had said kissing him felt good. It wasn’t bad for him to want to make his friend feel good, especially if it felt good for him too, right?

Chan though, had gone white. 

“Soonyoung didn’t ever say—he didn’t tell me anything about liking you, I _swear,”_ he said quickly, looking a bit panicked. “Sometimes, to me, it just seemed—I don’t know, it just seemed like—”

Chan cut himself off when Seungkwan kicked him in the butt. 

“Stop putting your foot in your mouth,” Seungkwan advised, looking both hangover-annoyed and Chan-annoyed, one hand over his face. Seokmin decided to leave the room too. 

He wanted to talk to Jeonghan. He wanted to be the one going on a walk with Jeonghan, but he couldn’t, because Soonyoung was going. But then he realized his thought process, and it felt so foreign, the idea that he couldn’t do something because Soonyoung was doing it. Because Soonyoung might be uncomfortable around him, might be avoiding him, might feel awkward with him there. They had never been like that. Things had always, without question, been better when they were together; that was how it was _supposed_ to be.

They’d promised this wouldn’t affect their friendship. Soonyoung had said it wasn’t a big deal. So when he saw Soonyoung and Jeonghan dressed up in thick coats, tugging on their shoes, he grabbed Jeonghan’s bicep.

“I’m coming too, okay? Wait for me.” 

By the time he’d gotten dressed and come back, Jeonghan was the only one standing there, and Seokmin’s heart sank.

“Hoshi got impatient,” Jeonghan explained, before he could ask. “He’s waiting outside.”

Soonyoung was already pink in the face from the chill in the air when they stepped out to join him, and for the most part, the walk was silent. Jeonghan looked relatively at ease despite the quiet atmosphere and biting cold, his head up, the wind pushing his hair from his face. Seokmin kept his head down, his nose quickly getting achingly cold to breathe through, so he opened his mouth instead, his lips instantly going dry. Jeonghan reached over to him, his fingers having retained some warmth with how they’d been hiding in his pockets, and held his hand. 

A quick glance told Seokmin that Jeonghan was holding Soonyoung’s hand too, connecting them together, keeping them stuck in a line with himself in the middle. It reminded Seokmin instantly of a senseless fight he’d had with Mingyu years ago, both of them too tired to realize how stupid they were being until Junhui had come over and literally wrapped the both of them in a bear hug, holding them together in the most literal sense. Seokmin didn’t quite remember, but he was pretty sure his apology to Mingyu had been a bit tearful. 

When they got back, Seokmin stopped Soonyoung in the hallway. Despite still being rosy in the face from the wind, Soonyoung had already shrugged his thick jacket off. He reached up to unwind the scarf from his neck, Seokmin’s eyes catching on the hickey again, knowing both that he was staring and that Soonyoung had caught him at it.

“I don't know if… I’m…” He felt unsure, not having planned out what to say, just knowing he wanted to say _something._ “I’m sorry.” 

Soonyoung looked at him for a moment. 

“Okay,” he said, the word simple. “I’m sorry too, then.” 

Apologies were supposed to fix things, so Seokmin was pretending that this one had. Soonyoung was pretending the same thing right beside him, and it almost seemed like too much; they were goofing off with each other constantly, finishing each other’s sentences and starting each other’s jokes. They were obnoxious, teaming up to annoy the rest of the members, disrupting rehearsals, ruining recording takes. 

Something about it felt off though, felt forced in a way Seokmin couldn’t describe. And since he couldn’t figure it out, he didn’t know how to fix it, unsure if he even would want to try. Things had to go back to normal eventually, and he was holding onto the hope that if he just made Soonyoung laugh enough times, it would happen. 

Soonyoung was giggling now, looking at him, his face all scrunched up and his body all excited, caught up in the joke they had going. They were making everyone laugh as they packed up to leave the practice room, the whole group tired and sweaty; Seungcheol had put Monsta X on to listen to while he and Joshua cleaned, and Seokmin and Soonyoung were making light fun of their friends from the other group, starting with exaggerated impersonations that had devolved into making horrible “sultry” faces at each other and wiggling. 

It was Soonyoung’s turn and he fluttered his eyelids at Seokmin, bunching his lips together, drawing his shoulders in and bending forwards so that the loose collar of his shirt exposed a large amount of his chest. That was funny already, but then he did a little shimmy, and almost half of them were on the floor. 

Seungcheol began shooing them out as the laughter died off, insisting he needed to start cleaning so he and Joshua could go home, threatening to run over an on-the-floor Jihoon with the vacuum. But it was still Seokmin’s turn, so as they walked through the doorway he did a gross exaggeration of licking his lips, arching his back, bending one arm behind his head and extending the other one straight into the air. He planned on striking a few poses to the beat of the music before stopping but Soonyoung, still giggling, dragged him close and pressed a kiss to his wet mouth.

The entire group burst into surprised laughs, Soonyoung’s lips curling against his before letting him go, Jihoon very loudly declaring Soonyoung the “winner”. Soonyoung pulled back and smiled at him, Seokmin’s heart hammering in his chest as Soonyoung met his eyes. The kiss was light, playful and close-mouthed and stupid, so Seokmin laughed back. 

It was also the first time he’d ever kissed Soonyoung while sober, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

It wasn’t that the kiss had been good, because it hadn’t; in truth, it hadn’t really been anything. But it opened up a dangerous sort of “what if” that Seokmin hadn’t considered before: the idea that he could kiss Soonyoung without any impairment or enabler urging them on. That Soonyoung existed in front of him as a cute—and very kissable—object. 

Or maybe it was the other way around and he was the cute kissable object, because technically Soonyoung had kissed him. Either way, he found Minghao and Mingyu alone in the kitchen together about a week later and decided to talk to them about it. 

“I can’t stop thinking about kissing Soonyoung.”

Mingyu dropped the large ceramic bowl he’d been washing into the sink. Soapy water splashed down his front and onto the floor with the loud “thunk!” sound and he cursed aloud, backing up, reaching for a towel. Minghao turned to him from the chair he was sitting in, looking unperturbed.

“You do it a lot,” he said, and Seokmin squirmed uneasily.

“Not… Not a _lot,”_ he tried, sitting down next to Minghao, but Mingyu’s snort and Minghao’s eyeroll didn’t let him get away with that. “But it’s only when we’re drunk! That has to mean something, right?”

“It means that when you’re uninhibited, that’s what you want to do,” Minghao said. Seokmin didn’t really like that either.

“But hey, that’s what he wants too!” Mingyu told him, like that was supposed to be a good thing, sitting down and smiling at him. “So… I mean,” he seemed to notice Seokmin’s expression, getting hesitant. “That’s not bad, right?” 

“Do I like Soonyoung?” Seokmin decided to ask, because that was his real question, and there was no point in beating around the bush; not with these two. Neither of them answered for a long moment, Mingyu shooting the occasional glance Minghao’s way. 

“You’re really going to be the only one that knows that,” Minghao finally said, which wasn’t helpful. Seokmin _didn’t_ know; that’s why he was asking, and he was notoriously bad at figuring out things on his own. “But regardless of… I don’t know, romantic or sexual feelings—” Mingyu snorted a bit at that, and Minghao slapped his arm— “Seokmin, you _love_ Soonyoung. You love him, regardless of whether you’re in love with him or not. Do you understand what I mean?” 

“Of course I love him,” Seokmin said. He’d known that for years. “But that doesn’t mean—”

“And he loves you too,” Minghao continued, and the words put a small thrill through Seokmin’s chest. Again though, they were old news. 

“Yeah, I know. That’s why this is hard.” 

“Well, let’s look at the facts,” Mingyu said, his voice all business, sitting up straighter. “You’re really comfortable around him—”

“A little too much,” Minghao interjected.

“—you think he’s sexy—”

“And he thinks you’re sexy—”

“Wait, really?” Seokmin asked, and Minghao stared at him for a second before nodding. 

“Yes. He’s said it to your face; I thought you knew.” 

“I thought… That’s just a joke. It’s always just a joke.”

“It could have started that way.” Minghao tilted his head. “But, Seokmin… How much truth does a ‘joke’ have in it when it’s been going on for seven years?” 

“You’re the only one he kisses,” Mingyu said. “You know that, right? He’s settled for some of the rest of us before, but he whined about how you weren’t there before just laying one on Jun.” 

“What?”

“Yeah, apparently his nose was ‘close enough’. Then Jun got all flustered and shoved him.” 

That memory made Minghao start giggling. Seokmin, on the other hand, was a bit caught up in the idea that Soonyoung had kissed someone else. He didn’t know when that had happened, when the last time Soonyoung had gone drinking with at least Mingyu, Minghao, and Junhui but not him. He was pretty sure, though, that he was who had kissed Soonyoung most recently.

“I didn’t think you were the jealous type,” Minghao remarked after a moment. It took Minghao saying the word aloud for Seokmin to recognize the feeling for what it was. 

“I like making him feel good,” he admitted. “I… I like being the one that makes him feel good.” He remembered the streak of pride he’d felt watching Soonyoung walk in and seeing the hickey, dark and uncovered, on his neck. He hadn’t thought of himself as the jealous type either. He’d never had a reason to be, with the way Soonyoung had always come up to him, always chasing his attention and wanting him close. Soonyoung hadn’t ever been “his” in any concrete sense, but he’d always been a type of “his”-adjacent, “his” by default, “his” because Soonyoung had placed himself there, because they were telling a joke or completing a skit or making each other laugh. 

Seokmin was coming to understand, sitting there with the two of them staring at him, that he couldn’t just _like_ Soonyoung. It wouldn’t be that small and simple. It wouldn’t be something like _oh, I have a crush on you,_ something easy to digest and accept, or to dismiss and move past. It would be bigger than that, almost to a catastrophic degree. It would be _I’ve been in love with you for the past seven years of my life, and I’m just now realizing it._

“If… If I do like him…” Seokmin looked between Mingyu and Minghao. “If I do like him, what should I do?” 

“I mean, you should tell him,” Mingyu said with a shrug. “Shouldn’t you?” 

It was only a handful of them, the next time alcohol was pulled out. Seungcheol sent a message to the group chat to invite them all, but only half of them responded. Seokmin came late to the seventh floor, so he didn’t know how much alcohol Soonyoung had already had before he’d gotten there. He’d only downed one shot before Soonyoung had pushed Vernon aside to squeeze in next to him, and it wasn’t long before he tasted the familiar burn of liquor on Soonyoung’s tongue.

They were very quickly booed by everyone, Junhui and Joshua working together to haul them from the room. Soonyoung led the way to his own bedroom, his arm trailing back to hold Seokmin’s hand. They stopped their short trip just a couple of minutes in because Soonyoung wanted to press him up against the wall and kiss him again, Seokmin returning the favor just a few feet from Soonyoung’s bedroom door, but eventually they made it inside. 

There was something much more addicting, this time. Seokmin didn’t know what it was, didn’t know why it felt so much better, the way Soonyoung’s mouth moved against his, the way Soonyoung’s fingers danced up his back and down his arms. Why every touch was so much _more._ Maybe he’d missed Soonyoung. Maybe he was relieved, relieved that _this_ hadn’t been ruined forever by his inability to keep his teeth and lips and tongue to himself, then consequently getting all twisted up about it. 

“You can do it again,” Soonyoung murmured, as though he could read Seokmin’s mind. His words were quiet and private and rose goosebumps all over Seokmin’s skin. “The hickey. If you want.” He nudged his nose against Seokmin’s, because Seokmin had stopped, and pressed a few more kisses to his lips, softer. “I liked it.” 

It was Soonyoung’s voice that gave him pause, that had Seokmin realizing why this was so much hotter, so much better than it usually was. Soonyoung wasn’t slurring, and didn’t sound sleepy. Soonyoung’s kisses weren’t so messy, his mouth properly moving instead of just being half open with his eyes half closed. And Seokmin himself had only had one drink; neither of them were anywhere near the level of gone that escaping off to someone’s bedroom usually called for. But here they were, Soonyoung on his back, comfortable on his fluffy comforter and mess of pillows, his hand on Seokmin’s neck, one leg hooked around Seokmin’s own to keep him there. 

“Are you drunk?” Seokmin asked him. Soonyoung seemed to freeze completely, pausing just like Seokmin had. The response didn’t come until after three full heartbeats of silence. 

“No,” he said, his voice soft. Then, “Are you?” 

“No,” Seokmin admitted. Soonyoung removed his hand from the back of Seokmin’s neck. “What… Soonyoung, what are we doing?” 

Soonyoung was quiet for a long moment, just looking over his face. He blinked once. Twice. 

“I’m kissing you,” he said. His voice had gone quick, and then he was shifting against his comforter, trying to move, trying to get out from under Seokmin. “I’m sorry, I—Minnie, I’m—”

“I kissed you back, though.” 

Soonyoung’s body stilled. He didn’t relax, but his eyes shot back to Seokmin’s face, looking over him again. 

“Could…” he trailed off, licking his lips, Seokmin unable not to watch the muscle dart over the soft, pink skin. “Could I keep kissing you, then?” 

A swell of relief and want rose so quickly and unexpectedly in Seokmin’s chest that for a moment, he forgot he was supposed to answer. He just leaned down a bit, but Soonyoung wasn’t shifting up to meet him, and he realized he should speak. 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” 

Soonyoung still seemed unsure, so Seokmin kissed him. The kiss was soft and light, but it was enough for Soonyoung to realize the permission Seokmin had given him; he inhaled sharply and then he was kissing Seokmin back, winding his arms around Seokmin’s neck, pulling him in. Seokmin lost the arms he was holding himself over Soonyoung with, collapsing onto Soonyoung’s chest, melting completely. 

The kisses weren’t as hungry as they usually were. They started slow and deep, Soonyoung kissing him with purpose, like he wanted to taste every part of Seokmin and Seokmin wanted, _wanted_ him to, sliding his fingers into Soonyoung’s shirt. Soonyoung’s body arched slightly under his hands, gasping a bit like he hadn’t expected to be touched, Seokmin taking advantage of the way Soonyoung’s head had fallen against the pillows to tilt his chin back and kiss him hard. 

Soonyoung made the occasional small sound, a little whimper or whine, hooking his leg around Seokmin again and slotting their hips together. It wasn’t about friction, Soonyoung seeming to just want him close, close, _closer,_ the heat in Seokmin’s stomach a simmer as he slid his lips down to Soonyoung’s neck again, letting himself feel the beat of Soonyoung’s pulse.

They didn’t know how to stop. They’d never really had to before, always just getting sleepy and dozing off half on top of each other. But now, they kissed and kissed until Seokmin’s mouth felt sore, Soonyoung giggling under him and burrowing close. They stayed that way for a while, Seokmin resting on his side, Soonyoung on his back, his head under Seokmin’s arm. Seokmin watched Soonyoung’s chest rise and fall, watched his shirt move, watched the small sliver of his abdomen that wasn’t covered by his clothing, exposed and relaxed.

“Hey, Seokmin?” Soonyoung’s voice was soft, but it was casual, taking Seokmin’s free hand in both of his.

“Yeah?”

“Are we in love?” 

Seokmin hadn’t expected that, but the question didn’t really feel like a surprise, either. He was quiet for a couple of moments, but Soonyoung didn’t seem too anxious for his answer. He decided he didn’t want to try to stutter his way through something he wasn’t sure of, wanting to be honest instead.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” 

Soonyoung let out a long exhale, placing Seokmin’s hand, large and warm, palm-flat against his chest.

“Maybe,” he echoed.

“Sorry,” Seokmin said immediately. “Sorry I just… I—”

“No, it’s okay.” Soonyoung nuzzled in a bit closer to Seokmin’s chest, but didn’t look up at him. “I understand. I was just hoping that you would know, so you could tell me.”

That almost made Seokmin want to laugh, but it really wasn’t that funny, instead just watching Soonyoung play with his fingers. Then, suddenly and all at once, so quickly that he nearly hit his head on Seokmin’s chin, Soonyoung was sitting up. The hole he left behind was cold.

“I could figure it out, I think,” he said. “I just… I don’t like to think about it too hard, because—because it feels like it’s true, and that we are, but I don’t want to have wasted this much of my life not loving you when I should have been.” 

Soonyoung looked worried, a bit twisted up, but to Seokmin, that didn’t make any sense. He blinked up at Soonyoung in surprise, wondering which one of them was the idiot. Seokmin was inclined to think it was himself, due to how often that was the case, but this time around he wasn’t so sure.

“Soonyoung? Sorry, I don’t…” he wasn’t sure how to approach this, never having felt quite this serious before, and Soonyoung laughed a little. “You… You loved me the whole time. I’ve always known that you loved me.”

“Yeah?” Soonyoung asked. He still looked unsure. Seokmin, in turn, was unsure of where this concern was coming from. 

“You love me so much! You—you’ve told me so.” That made Soonyoung laugh a bit. “I was worried about not loving you the right way but… I don’t think there’s a wrong way to love you.” 

“You love me, then?” The extra implication was in Soonyoung’s voice. It wasn’t a love that was better; just different, just shifted a bit to the left. Seokmin wasn’t sure when the shift had happened, but he thought maybe that was why he’d felt so off center around Soonyoung lately. He’d already leaned too far, had been leaning for too long, and now was unable to keep his balance, but hadn’t yet made the choice to move his feet. So he took the step.

“Yeah, I do.”

Soonyoung beamed. It was that expression, all squished up and sweet, that had Seokmin sure more than anything that he did, he _did,_ that he was so in love that he’d just ingrained it into everything he did, said, and felt about Soonyoung, so easy to do that it had both completely wrapped him up and completely passed him by, especially since feeling like this about someone else had never really happened to him before.

“Can… Can you come back?” he asked, holding his arms out, feeling almost meek about the request. “I want to hold you.”

Soonyoung did, snuggling in happily, and they talked about it. They traced their steps back, trying to figure out when it had started—“I mean, have you seen yourself in that Arthur outfit? All dirty? With a _sword?_ ”—“I had four dreams about you in that _‘I heart New York’_ outfit. Yes, they were kind of sexy. No, stop laughing, I’m not joking.”—“That _Just Do It_ suit? Never mind, yeah, that looked good on all three of us.”

Soonyoung was holding his hand again, and kissed each of his fingertips in turn, Seokmin watching him when he realized something.

“Hey, isn’t being in love supposed to be scary?” he asked. Soonyoung hummed for a moment, Seokmin feeling the vibration against the end of his pinky finger, with how it was pressed into Soonyoung’s plush bottom lip.

“I think so. Or… The falling part is what’s scary, right? So maybe it’s okay, because we missed it?” 

Soonyoung glanced up at him, his eyes bright under his dark bangs, and Seokmin wasn’t so sure about that. He was pretty sure he’d be falling in love with Soonyoung every second of the day, if that’s what this was, what this feeling meant. 

“I’m scared of everything,” Seokmin said, and Soonyoung giggled at him. “But… I’m not afraid of this.”

“Me neither,” Soonyoung gathered up Seokmin’s hand to place it on his chest again. “But… We’re just us. You’re still you, to me.” It took Seokmin a moment to recognize the words; the way Soonyoung had tried to assure him, to convince him that kissing wouldn’t ruin their friendship. He’d been right, in a way. He’d just been wrong, too. “If you’re okay, then so am I.”

“Yeah.” Seokmin grinned, Soonyoung beaming back. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Nothing wrong with kissing your friends goodnight, right?” Soonyoung asked, the words coming out through barely-contained giggles, and Seokmin burst out laughing. That completely broke Soonyoung, rolling onto his side in amusement, clutching hard to Seokmin’s hand, Seokmin struck all over again with what had to be his favorite feeling in the world; the joy he felt when he knew Soonyoung was happy. He fell onto his back while Soonyoung was struggling into a sitting position, but when he saw Seokmin laying down he just flopped on top of him, his giggles in Seokmin’s ear. His chest was heaving when he pulled himself up, his eyes alight. 

“Right,” Seokmin answered, leaning up to kiss Soonyoung again. He’d meant it to be sweet, but Soonyoung hadn’t composed himself well enough to handle Seokmin’s response, his lips upturned against Seokmin’s own before he started giggling again. He was smiling so widely that Seokmin was really just kissing his teeth, so he laughed instead, wrapping his arms around Soonyoung again to pull him down and hold him. There would be time for kisses later. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/thanku4urIove)


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